The Good, The Bad, and The Honest Truth

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Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in the "goldrush06" journal:

September 29th, 2009
05:26 pm [Link]	I don't understand... I don't get it... Why is it that I am always blamed for being the "crazy" one or the one that starts all of the shit in the relationship? Why am I always the one who is told, "Well, you did this," or "This is all your fault." How can someone turn around and say that they were being honest with you, but then also say that they were just trying to be nice and tell you what you wanted to hear? How does that work? I guess I'm just getting to that breaking point, all in all. After I broke up with Spencer the first time, I thought that it would give us an opportunity to grow up and realize what it is that we both wanted. I thought that we could do some soul searching and use the time apart to maybe figure these things out. I guess I'm starting to get to the point in my life where at 27 I'm ready to begin moving forward. I guess I'm beginning to see that while friends are important, there are other things that maybe I want to concentrate on - like a career, marriage, a possible family down the road. I thought that if we got back together (which is what we did), that we could start working on these things together and begin to take them more seriously. But when we got back together, it just went back to the same old crap...if not worse. It's hard for me to understand how at 35, things like this aren't a little more urgent for him...it's hard for me to understand how he can keep saying things like, "Well, we're still young..." Is it that girls are really crazy? I have a hard time believing that. I have a hard time understanding how it's fair for anyone to tell you over 3 years ago that they want to marry you, but make no progress towards that. I have a hard time understanding how it's fair for someone to expect that you be that patient and understanding and not take that personally when it still hasn't happened 3 years later. I have a hard time understanding how someone's excuse is that they a) can't find the money to buy a ring and b) haven't spent enough time with your parents, BUT a) they can find enough money to buy new music equipment and buy whatever they want whenever they want it AND b) never find the time to spend time with your parents, but can always find the time to spend time with friends. How is that supposed to make me feel? How is a girl not to feel slightly insecure when there's no effort being made for either of those to happen? How can a person not begin to take that somewhat personally when there always seems to be money and time for other things. I don't get it. There's a large part of me that doesn't want to admit that maybe we've just grown too far apart. Maybe the years have put distance between us for a reason...maybe we just aren't meant to be. Maybe we are both just wasting our time together and maybe both of us are just too comfortable to get out of a relationship that is just going nowhere. I'm so confused that I just don't even know... (Leave a comment)
August 19th, 2009
11:25 am [Link]	A creed to live by... I love those moments when you know that God has sent you a long distance hug when you needed one the most. The other day I was cleaning out some old files/books ad stumbled across a piece of paper labeled A Creed to Live By-I wish this LJ app would allow me to post pictures because it's a little too lengthy to type out on my phone. Regardless, I felt like it had been written for me and about me (sorry if that sounds slightly narcissistic) and it couldn't have come at a more perfect time. I saw dr. B today and the subject of our conversation revolved around how I have difficulty with living life by other people's standards and expectations of what I should be. I have noticed over the last few years how much I regret that because I feel like I have missed out on so much life. I feel like I have been too concerned with others opinion of me to the point where I stopped living life for me. That's one of the things that I would like to overcome and work on for my own sense of peace and happiness...but the creed I found described things I feel and want to the absolute letter. So far this week has been filled with negativity-it's easy to be positive and upbeat when I'm not at work, but the real challenge is still finding the positive in all situations while at work...in the midst of all the chaos, confusion, and unfairness. But today has actually been a good day all in all-got to visit dr. B, found out several meetings and trainings were cancelled (which gives me more time to get things organized), and I woke up early to workout! I am starting to actually enjoy working out in the early morning and hope that it is something I can continue to do. But now it's time for lunch...more later! Posted via LiveJournal.app. Tags: via ljapp (1 comment \| Leave a comment)
August 16th, 2009
09:39 am [Link]	Whatta morning! It's weird finally updating my LiveJournal from my laptop - normally, thanks to technology, I have been posting entries via my handy little iPhone. If one thing is for certain, it's that typing on a laptop definitely reduces typos. Last night was awesome and it's something that I definitely want to mention as a gratitude - S and I decided to try a new restaurant, which wasn't exactly a new establishment, but new to us. Perfect, considering how we tend to opt for the places we have been over and over again or resort to fast food gut bombs. This place was simply AMAZING and what was even MORE amazing is that it is just right down the street from me. Then again, that could get me in trouble... After a delicious meal, we went to see the kittens over at S's mom's house and holy smokes...HAVE THEY GROWN! I think the mom cat is still giving her a hard time because by nature, she is an outdoors-kind of girl...but hopefully soon enough she'll adjust to the comforts of being inside...and being spoiled rotten. We then watched an old movie, ate dessert, and crashed like babies...ahh, I give that Saturday night a perfect 10! Although I woke up early this morning (thanks, body, for never letting me sleep in anymore), I decided to make the best of it and squeeze in some exercise. I know this may sound weird, but I always feel so strong and healthy when I am working out and trying to eat better. Maybe that doesn't sound so weird after all...but regardless, I was glad to start my morning on the right foot. As far as what I am thankful for so far today: -Energy and strength to wake-up and get down to business -A healthy breakfast -Healthy, happy, energetic pets I'm looking forward to the day, even though I am in the process of getting ready for work. I never really mind working on Sundays and the best part is that I get to see E and H later tonight - there's nothing quite like a ladies night every now and then! :) Ok, enough typing...check back later... (Leave a comment)
August 15th, 2009
07:13 pm [Link]	Productive day! I am shocked at how much I got done today-VERY suprised. I started off this morning by cleaning my apartment, grocery shopping, gettin an oil change, going to the eye doctor working out, doing laundry...and now, I am FINALLY feeling caught up from the crazy week I had! All in all, here's what I am most thankful for today: -An apartment that is spacious, clean, feels like a home, and is filled with pets I adore! -Insurance that allows me to go to the eye doctor and not have to pay completely out of pocket. -motivation that helped me to tackle today's to do list! Even though I work at guitar center tomorrow, I am looking forward to bein able to relax later that night! Posted via LiveJournal.app. Tags: via ljapp (Leave a comment)
11:31 am [Link]	Today's gratitudes First of all, I think this is incredibly awesome that I can update my livejournal from my iPhone-I have no doubts in saying that the iPhone may very well be the single greatest piece of technology out there. Anyway, I regress from the subject at hand.... I won't lie-I have been stuck in a pessimistic, negative hole for quite some time now-especially with work. I have complained, been unhappy, and even wished my own life away with a countdown to when I'll finally be able to resign. The fact that I am even at a point where I am counting down my life has made me realize that I need to make some changes. And because I am not able to change jobs right now, I need to change something else: my attitude. They say attitude is everything and there is definitely truth to that. I tend to show up to work in a bad mood and because of that, my days usually suck. Someone suggested that I take time each morning to pray and then spend time at night thinking of all the things I am grateful for about that day. So let me go back to yesterday: -I am grateful to have a job that can be flexible and allows me the time for errands, appointments, etc. -I am grateful for Anna, who is someone at work I can vent to and trust. -I am grateful for humor and the time I spent last night laughing with frends. I hope to strart changing my expectations outlook, and even language to be more positive! Here's to a good day! :) Posted via LiveJournal.app. Tags: via ljapp (Leave a comment)
August 12th, 2009
04:52 pm [Link]	Meneedadayoffsoonorelsezzzzz It's amazing how mentally, emotionally, and physically drained a person can be after working two jobs and going to graduate school. I literally feel like I am dying over here and there's no end in sight. I keep telling myself that it's only 4 more months, but in all reality, four months seems like 5 years away. I am absoutely exhausted. Ugh... But enough about that... Because I'm lacking in the positive mental attitude department, I'll end this entry here. Just needed to vent in the 5 spare minutes I have in between jobs. Ready or not, here I come... Posted via LiveJournal.app. Tags: via ljapp (Leave a comment)
May 23rd, 2008
08:04 pm [Link]	Local music, loud music, any kind of music, GUITAR HERO, Nashville, Mortal Kombat, coffee, Diet Dr. Pepper, any caffeine-containing substance, sunny days, UT VOLS, holidays, clearance racks and thrift shopping, Corona, ninjas, writing, reading, creating, laughter, shows, snow, Teen Girl Squad, candles, ham and pineapple pizza, Curious George, bonfires, clothes made specifically for the ghetto booty in mind, Auntie Anne's pretzels, drum corps, pumpkin pie, New Orleans, singing in the shower, dancing without a care in the world, surprises, hammocks, hugs, Christmas lights, Barnes and Noble, sushi, amusement parks, the fall season, photo albums, road trips, color, peanut butter, silliness in all forms, Target, hippies, psychology, Swingers, Pride and Prejudice, sleep, a job well done, God, long walks on the beach, and life in general... VERONA, Butch Walker, 10 YEARS, CAPRICE, COPPER, old Sevendust, BOMBSHELL CRUSH, Silverchair, RETURN TO SELF, Tool, LIGION, Dark New Day, Dream Theater, LUNA HALO, Breaking Benjamin, THE BEAUTY SCHOOL DROPOUTS, Foo Fighters, SPOUT, Deftones, Incubus, RUNNING WITH SCISSORS, boyhitscar, LENNEX, Injected, DEADSUN, Kings X, VULPINE, Rage Against the Machine, AGENTS OF THE SUN, The Police, ADORATION, Sugarcult, VERTIGO, Buckcherry, ACTRESS, A Perfect Circle, THE LOFT, 36CrazyFists, SHIROCK, Ben Forrest Davis, Cold, The Used, Bush, Sigur Ros, Jeff Buckley, Smashing Pumpkins, 30 Seconds to Mars, Marvelous 3, Panic! at the Disco, Evans Blue, H.I.M., The All-American Rejects, Nightwish, Killswitch Engage, Head Automatica, Val Emmich, Zwan, Jane's Addiction, Alice in Chains, Beastie Boys, The Black Crowes, System of a Down, Backyard Babies, Kenny Wayne Shepherd, Oceansize, STP, Coheed and Cambria, Big Wreck, Vast, Steve Vai, old Finger Eleven, (hed) pe, Shinedown, Pillar, Flyleaf, Aphex Twin, Keating, Frank Sinatra, Autovaughn, DRAGON FORCE, Spencer McCoy, and I quit here because I'm tired of typing. Swingers, I Am Legend, Dead Poets' Society, Juno, Magnolia, The Break-Up, Crash, all the Shrek movies, Love Actually, The Holiday, Blood Diamond, Wedding Crashers, The Martian Child, Memento, Sin City, Sicko, Roman Holiday, Good Luck Chuck, The Terminal, Moulin Rouge, Fahrenheit 9/11, The Princess Bride, Georgia Rule, The Number 23, The Shining, American History X, Grindhouse, Apocalypto, Becoming Jane, A Clockwork Orange, Lolita, The Sweetest Thing, Imitation of Life, When Harry Met Sally, Pulp Fiction, Zodiac, The 40-Year Old Virgin, A Christmas Story, Borat, Steel Magnolias, Rambo, Napoleon Dynamite, all the Harry Potter movies, Blow, 30 Days of Night, and many more... INTERVENTION, Still Standing, Sex and the City, Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, Deal or No Deal, First 48, House Hunters, America's Best Dance Crew, How to Look Good Naked, Ninja Warrior, The Cosby Show, The X-Files, and the Gilmore Girls. Pride and Prejudice, The Heroin Diaries, The DaVinci Code, Angels and Demons, Deception Point, Digital Fortress, Shopgirl, Cell, Candy Girl, A Prayer for Owen Meany, The Memory Keeper's Daughter, For One More Day, The Five People You Meet In Heaven, He's Just Not That Into You, Where the Red Fern Grows, Kierkegaard's Fear and Trembling, The Great Gatsby, Lolita, Oral History, As I Lay Dying, Walden Two, Man's Search for Meaning, Desperation, Catcher in the Rye, The Beauty Myth, The Lovely Bones, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, A Midsummer Nights Dream, all 5 Harry Potter books, How to Make Love Like a Pornstar: A Cautionary Tale by Jenna Jameson, She's Come Undone, A Separate Peace, A Million Little Pieces, Why Men Love Bitches, and of course, anything by Dr. Seuss! Ordinary people who have done something extraordinary with their lives and people who have overcome addiction. (Leave a comment)
07:57 pm [Link]	I pee in my pants ALOT when I see people fall! I sleep with 42 blankets on my bed and wouldn't have it any other way. I adore all things Jane Austen and could read and reread Pride and Prejudice a million times over without getting bored. I am guilty of being too perfectionistic and I'm learning that no matter what, I am only human and deserve to cut myself some slack every now and then. I have the utmost respect for marriage and hope to grow fat, old, and wrinkled with that one person. I've found over the years that the only way you can be at peace with others and with yourself is to learn how to forgive even if there was never an apology offered. Most of my fondest childhood memories are found in Rutledge, TN, on my grandparents' farm. I buy the conspiracy theories surrounding 9/11, the government, the media coverage, the "fear" instilled in American people, and the ultimate secret society behind it all. I have learned that a Slip-n-Slide can often result in a visit to the emergency room. I think the media should stop considering Britney Spears' daily crises, Lindsey Lohan's musical rehabs, or Paris Hilton's well-deserved jail time as "Breaking News" and focus on more important worldly issues that have taken a backseat to such Hollywood bullshit. I have an EXTREME passion for both the elderly and those with developmental disabilities. I am more scared of camel crickets than of death itself. I drink way too much coffee and I don't even care. I will always find room inside for a piece of pumpkin pie. I sit Indian-style everywhere I go...even in places where it's not socially acceptable. I once believed popsicles to be the cure-all for life’s problems. I still giggle when I hear someone fart. I love waking up and remembering a good dream. I find that I clean or rearrange furniture whenever something is weighing on my mind. I believe we’re never too busy, too stressed, or too tired to offer a random act of kindness. I think Nashville is nothing short of heaven on earth. I find my heart to be full whenever I am around music. I'm saddened by people who spend energy and time defending the idea that there isn't a God. I've been known to burp louder than most guys. I think that one of the hardest things for me to say is what’s really on my mind. I once thought that the El Camino was the sexiest car alive. I am most excited by the TBS Christmas Eve marathon of A Christmas Story. I can’t wait for the day when girls stop equating their appearance with their self-worth. Nothing is quite as liberating as a road trip. I don't think you can ever give too many high fives. I am easily the most ticklish person alive. I am, by far, the world’s worst cook. I can't go to sleep without "sounds of the ocean." I like to brag about how awesome I am at video games, even though I get put in my place alot. I am perfectly ok with being a dork. I always carry dental floss in my purse because I am a freak about good dental hygiene. I'm a sucker for a good bargain. I spit a little when I laugh. I mix brown and black and break every rule in the fashion book without thinking twice. I'm not frightened by hard work. I think the world should be fair and just, but I understand that it's simply not. I am an advocate for early bedtimes and a good night’s rest. My family and friends never fail to inspire me. I don't think that a job should be just another paycheck. I once had a run-in with a couple of “sea turtles.” I hope to one day have a library in my home. I love talking for hours about anything and nothing at all. I like giving people nicknames and making them stick. I don’t have a pinky toenail and it freaks me out a little. I once believed that I would grow up to be a farmer. I love how hindsight teaches you the greatest of lessons. I’m waiting for the day when I can finally think of a word that rhymes with orange. I have a hard time turning down a free Corona. I'm not very good at shopping and I usually leave empty-handed. I feel that my mom is the perfect example of what it means to be selfless. I don't have a million dollars and I don't care if I ever do. And to be quite honest, I love love. (Leave a comment)
07:49 pm [Link]	Thursday, November 10, 2005 Blah.... Current mood: bitchy Today has made me feel nothing short of a fucking joke. I feel as if I have done enough ranting and raving to last me an entire lifetime, and yet I could probably continue bitching for the duration of this blog. I hate to ever feel like I need anything or anyone, but I need so much right now.... I need one minute to myself... I need a day off.... I need a good cry... I need sleep... I need something positive... I need motivation.... I need to feel appreciated... I need to laugh... I need to lose myself in something mind-numbing... I need to be passionate about something again... I need to do absolutely nothing... And I need to sleep. Fuck it. 8:01 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Saturday, August 13, 2005 A story for the kids... Because I am such an amazing storyteller, I have often been bombarded by numerous requests from the public to tell a story. I have been known to buckle under pressure; however, I have been working on somewhat of a masterpiece (if I do say so myself) for the last few weeks. In order to appease all those that have asked for such inspiring words of wisdom and creativity, I have decided to unveil my work. Move over Dr. Seuss, here it comes. Once upon a time there was a girl. But not any girl. This girl liked Diet Dr. Pepper. Because she drank so much of it in such a short period of time, she had a bladder that was explosive. The end. Utterly sensational, huh? 8:54 PM - 2 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Tuesday, July 05, 2005 To Nashville, with love: Dear Nashville - I miss you already... I miss Guitar Center and everyone who earns a paycheck there...I miss having my arm squeezed and all of the funny noises I heard throughout the day...I miss watching the vein on Smacko's forehead grow by the second whenever Chappy opened his mouth...I miss yelling certain things like "CHUUUURRRDDDD" halfway across the store and receiving the oddest of looks from those within earshot...I miss paging for Kelvin the Kanuter Valve expert...I miss hearing Tommy Joe's "Come on over to the country," "What's a crack-a-lackin', home chicken," and "I guaran-told-you's"...I miss giving random high fives, ordering Papa John's ham and pineapple pizza, and kicking Tony's non-existant ass at Mortal Kombat. God bless it... I miss the local scene and the hot (and not so hot) music spots that I quickly adopted as my tried and true stomping grounds...I miss being able to simply hop in my car on any given night and dive into the music of a band that suited and greatly exceeded my fancy...I miss the familiar faces that I saw when out and about...I miss the fact that I only had to drive a few minutes to find such entertainment, as opposed to the many roadtrips that will now be made to see some of Nashville's local music heroes... I miss the Applebee's across the street from work...Jersey Mike's...the gas station right down the street with the cheapest prices...Broadway and the honky tonks...the Gold Rush...Centennial Park...Sam and Zoe's coffee...Jillian's...the Buzz...Monday's drinking nights at the Flying Saucer...and I'll even go out on a limb and say that I might even miss the rush hour traffic that I experienced each and every day. Damn it Nashville, I miss you... 10:14 AM - 5 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Monday, April 11, 2005 "Oh, Snapp (with an extra p)!!!" Current mood: ecstatic As I was browsing through the ever-so popular Myspace, what did I come across? This...read it and weep (or in my case, read it and scream at the top of your lungs): Butch Walker. In Nashville May 26th. ::::::::GASP:::::::: ::::::::Drools::::::: ::::::::Pees in pants::::::: ::::::::Passes out::::::::: My hero and idol. And if words don't get the job done, then how's about an illustration...they do say that a picture is worth a thousand words, so here it is. My stick figure drawing from the last show I saw...analyze this: Enough said. Currently listening : Left of Self-Centered By Butch Walker Release date: 09 July, 2002 10:29 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Life Lessons.... Current mood: thankful Titles such as these tend to signal that something sentimentally corny is on the way, and well…this one is certainly no exception. Let’s face it head on. Life lesson ..1: I embody all that is ridiculously cheesy…and I’m ok with that. Every so often I dig through old journals that I’ve kept, in hopes that I will see just how time has not only changed situations and feelings, but how time has ultimately changed me. In only a year’s time, life has revealed some of its truths to me in various ways. Through people, situations, laughter, love, heartache, and tears, I’ve learned… That strangers can sometimes care more for you than those you would call your best friends. That love is more than a feeling…love is an action. It’s what you do. That nothing is as beautiful as humility That life is more humorous than what we give it credit for. That flaws aren’t imperfections…they are simply your own personal trademarks That the best gift you can give yourself is forgiveness. That there is no such word as “mistake” as long as a lesson can be learned. That there is much growth that comes from wounds. That love is forgiveness and forgiveness is love…neither can exist solely on its own. I’ve learned that success is measured in terms of the lives you touch…not by the amount of money you make or the title you hold. That no matter how far you wander, life has a funny way of always bringing you back to where you belong. That fear is often the source of most of our excuses. That you can sometimes hear more from silence than from anything else. And last but not least, I learned that Diet Dr. Pepper is the best drink around…but then again, I already knew that. 8:55 PM - 3 Comments - 6 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Monday, April 04, 2005 Cool Kids Dig Awesome Tunes... Current mood: geeky Such as this great hit by Copper...if you're hungry for more, check out Copper's myspace page, as well as www.copperlive.com, where you can officially sign over your musical soul.... I guess you took it way too far I know I know you won't return I see the pieces of your heart. In some ways you're impossible you're impossible to me.. Tell me what's on your mind tonight when you're falling to pieces. Tell me if you think this feels right when you're falling to pieces I don't remember who you are I know I know your love will burn I see the pieces of your heart In some ways you're impossible you're impossible to me... Tell me what's on your mind tonight when you're falling to pieces. Tell me if you think this feels right when you're falling to pieces Take what we know It breaks us all Fake what we show Together we fall Excuse me while I officially swoon over this song... 7:48 AM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Tuesday, March 22, 2005 I just couldn't stay away... Current mood: happy After finally realizing that I had a rather debilitating addiction to myspace a few weeks ago, I decided that I was just going to have to do the unthinkable: in order to actually have somewhat of a life, I was going to have to delete myself...for a while, atleast. I thought I had really come across a swell idea, considering how the goal of this mini-break was to actually get some things done. I had hoped that instead of coming home every day and plopping myself in front of the computer for the duration of the night, I might actually resort to something productive. Like cleaning. Paying bills. Going out with friends. Reading. Writing. Working out. But let's face it: at the core of my wee little heart, I am a computer nerd and I just can't give it up. So I'm back and ready for round ..2 of myspace...here's three cheers to being an internet addict! Currently listening : Letters By Butch Walker Release date: 24 August, 2004 7:59 PM - 4 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove (Leave a comment)
07:49 pm [Link]	Tuesday, May 09, 2006 The Girl(s) at the Rock Show... Pardon the rant...however, a recent overheard conversation between some fairly uneducated, stereotyping idiots have encouraged me to set the record straight once again...the time has come, kids, for a little ol lesson! What irritates me is this prevailing assumption that any girl who is at a rock show isn't there for the music...apparently, if I understood this conversation correctly, she merely serves as a piece of eye candy, with intentions of hooking up with any given stranger at the end of a night for a little post-show rendez-vous. To think that a girl MIGHT actually go to a show out of a love for music and music alone seems absolutely ludicrous...and what's even more ludicrous is that believe it or not, I, along with several other music-loving females, are here to defy that. I LOVE and LIVE rock music, and it would be nothing more than an understatement to say that it's my passion in life. Even though I'm defined by this passion and have been labeled as a "groupie," a "concert junkie," and a "band whore," I can say with full confidence that I, unfortunately, don't seem to fit into the last category (sarcasm intended). It shocks people to find out that there are actually girls in this world who never even consider talking to the popped collared-loud mouthed-smooth talking-"baby-can-I-get-your-number-because-I-want-to-bang-you-right-now" pieces of monkey shit that can often be found staggering around at shows. Sorry. Move right along. But what makes me want to pull my hair out even more than that is when I try to talk music with guys...for some reason, I'm not taken seriously and my opinions are written off. Apparently because I'm a girl, I dont know the first thing about real talent...the sad thing (and not to blow my own horn) is that I probably could dance circles around most of these "holier-than-thou" guys when it comes to music, talent, and what has potential...I may not be able to do much to change this at the moment, but any guy who boldly asserts that Linkin Park is the pinnacle of rock music should probably expect me to offer them a sweet smile of pity...and then a blow to the face. 9:46 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove I don't have a subject so sue me.... Current mood: tired I've always found it funny how we (or maybe it's just me) are never completely satisfied with the present, and only seem to appreciate something to its fullest extent when in hindsight...especially when it comes to life and growing up. When you are young, you can hardly wait to become an adult...and when you finally do grow into that adult, you only wish you could go back in time to when you were younger. Like me, at this very moment, when I would give anything to return to a time when ignorance was bliss...being a baby all over again would be considered nothing short of a blessing, as I could freely poop in my diapers, spit up all over the place, and inspite of all of it, still have my cheeks pinched and be told that I am as cute as a button. I want to suck my thumb, curl up with my baby blanket, and sleep for 18 hours every day for no good reason other than the fact that that's what babies are supposed to do. I want people to feed me and stroll me around. I want someone to tuck me in at night and read me a bed time story and drink out of sippy cups that are filled to the brim with either chocolate milk, Hi-C, or Tang. I want to eat fruit roll ups, play Barbie's, ride bikes until it is dark, and watch Saturday morning cartoons. I want to go back to a time when dreams were never far-fetched, too creative to be pursued, or put on hold because there wasn't enough time to bring them to life It's easy to forget those innocent, sweet dreams as you grow older and assume more responsibility...the every day routine of life and its many demands somehow lead you away from them and often times (sadly enough) discourage you from even trying your hand at them. I vowed a long time ago to lead a life less ordinary and experience as many adventures as possible, dreaming up things that may be considered lofty, over-the-top, or idealistic to the world at large...at some point in time, though, whenever time allows, I hope to... Write a childrens' book Visit all 50 states and buy trashy magnets to plaster a refrigerator with Hike the Appalachian Trail...all 2,174 miles of it. Read every single book on the top 100 list Create a secret recipe Change a life Be an advocate for those with mental retardation Redefine the concept of beauty for women Design my own home Have a library in my own home Learn an infinite number of foreign languages Earn a Ph.D. Run a marathon Take a ridiculous amount of photos that no one else will care about except me Spend Christmas in New York Travel to France for Mardi Gras Introduce two people who fall in love Listen to a stranger's life story Join a band Spend a week (or weeks) deep sea fishing Grow a garden Create a video game Chase a tornado (and live to tell about it) Book shows for my own rock club Paint a horrible, artistically challenged picture and auction it off Teach the world to value and respect the elderly But for now, reality calls...another amazing 5 AM cable count leaves no room for fulfilling any of these dreams tonight.... Maybe tomorrow... 8:22 PM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Wednesday, April 19, 2006 Something serious, for once.... Current mood: tired Disclaimer: I try not to be serious...ever, in fact. I would much rather embrace the light-hearted and live for all that is goofy and considered "dorky" by the world at large. But put a few beers in my hand, and this is what you get...a serious side that is more willing to divulge serious matters...consider this a rarity... Frustrated by my current situation, I turned to the one thing that offers a bit of therapeutic relief in a time of chaos and confusion: writing. Yes. I'm frustrated. I'm more than frustrated. If I could, I'd like to take a nerf bat and beat the living life out of something. Of course, this so-called "something" would be an inanimate object that obviously couldn't sue me for battery. You see, the world has too much to offer and choose from. It's no longer a matter of black and white when it comes down to decision-making...it's black, white, plus a whole color spectrum filled with different shades of gray. To some, this would be a good thing. But guess what? It's not. Especially when it comes down to deciding what you are ultimately going to do with your life and what purpose you serve. Even while you are still a wee little fetus, everyone expects that you will bust out into the world and grow up to be a real "something" one of these days. When you are finally old enough to understand, the world tells you that you can be anything. That you have it all at your fingertips. That there are no limits and no boundaries to stop you from pursuing whatever life has to offer. But there's the problem. Without any limits and boundaries, there's nothing to guide you in the right direction. You could be anything. A doctor. Lawyer. Accountant. Teacher. Engineer. Actor. Porn Star. The world says that there is nothing to stop you from any of these, if you want. And to me, this is where all of the stress and confusion comes in. Back in the day, you were already pre-assigned a particular role. Woman tied on her apron, tended to the duties of the house, took care of the children, and was at her husband's disposal. Man went into the world and won the bread. That was that. No if's, and's, or but's about it. Don't get me wrong here, kids. I'm certainly not advocating a return to the Leave it to Beaver era at all, as I appreciate and am much thankful for the ever-growing roles women now have in sociey . All I'm saying is that no one had to question what they were to do in life, making things a little less stressful. With more freedom, comes more choices...and with more choices, comes more confusion. Add to that, the stress of being competitive, which is certainly a concept that is not foreign to the world we live in...we compete every day...for money, for higher status, for respect, for earning the title of "the best"...you name it, we strive to surpass those who ultimately challenge our most refined skills, talents, and attributes.Success and accomplishment has (disappointingly enough) been measured in terms of gross salaries and materialism...the more you have, the more you are worth. And then, while you are at it, you might want to throw in the ever-constant expectations and standards that you feel the need to meet...from parents, friends, teachers, and mentors, all of whom have differing ideas of what you should be doing with your life. Messages of being the best, having it all, pleasing others, and finding that one thing that life has set aside for you leads to nothing more than...well...you do the math and get back to me. In my humble, two cent-worth opinion, this is why so many young people undeniably experience an outrageous amount of stress and anxiety. They believe that they can be anything they want to be, but they have absolutely no idea what this "anything" is exactly. The world tells you to look at everything and then pick. There's only one word to describe this experience: overwhelming. And that makes it even more difficult for someone like myself who has a hard time making any sort of decision as it is. Deciding on what I want to eat for dinner can become a long, drawn-out monumental process...and that's just dinner. You mention deciding on a career, and my wig is officially flipped. Having choices was originally intended to be liberating, but somewhere down the road, it has become nothing more than a complicated mess. I just wish that someone would give me two options about what I should do with myself, instead of 5 million and half. This or that. Flip a coin. Heads or tails. Is that too much to ask for? Maybe it is... So for now, I suppose I'll simply follow my life's passion, chasing dreams that may or may not ever come to any sort of fruition. To me, music is it...it's my language...it's what I live for...it's what makes me wake up in the morning and appreciate life...it's my passion...my heart, my soul, my words...it's everything...and maybe one day, I'll learn where I belong in all of it... And if you laugh at me for being serious, then I'll cut you...mmmkay? Currently listening : Grace By Jeff Buckley Release date: 23 August, 1994 7:49 PM - 5 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Monday, April 03, 2006 Intervention... It's very rare that I find myself parked in front of a tv for long periods of time, as my schedule is largely based around a) work and b) sleep...and because I am a slave to long work hours and require much sleep, there is little time for entertainment. However, there is one show that I manage to always squeeze into my Sunday night and have yet to miss an episode since I first stumbled across it.... A&E's Intervention. For some reason, this show sucks me in and for one hour, I am crying over the misery of someone's addiction and later celebrating their long-awaited intervention...I sometimes feel so proud of these strong-willed recovering addicts that I just want to jump up and give someone an emotional high five: I only realized this morning, when I woke experiencing what felt like a bomb exploding in my head, that I am an addict too. A caffeine addict. Meet Max. We're ridiculously tight pals. Before I do so much as open both eyes in the morning, I have to smell the auroma of coffee brewing in my kitchen. Coffee and I have had a longer relationship than I've ever had with any guy...together, we have made it through many all-nighters and early mornings to stave off the ill effects that a lack of sleep brings to the human body. Without him, I know that I could hardly function as a normal person in society...in fact, if I go too long without coffee, I have a headache that no amount of Tylenol or Advil can kick to the wind...if you ask me a question before I've had atleast two cups of coffee, then you'll pretty much compromise the well-being of your face and/or life...me minus coffee equals ugly times a million. Let this be a lesson in how awful a decaffeinated person can be: I shudder at the thought.... It doesnt just start with two cups of coffee...it continues with this: A two liter. The crowning glory of all that is caffeine. I mean no jokes, kids. A 12 ounce can or a 20 ounce bottle of caffeinated goodness doesnt get the job done, so I go all out in a blaze of glory and get the big daddy. It doesnt last long, because after I've gotten the morning underneath my belt, I move on to this: Another cup of coffee (and a talking Napoleon Dynamite). It doesn't exactly matter what kind...it could be a peppermint mocha from Starbucks or freshly brewed toilet water from McDonald's as seen above...when it comes to caffeine, I'll take it in any liquid form. Period. I once calculated the amount of money spent on coffee during a months time and I probably could have fed a third world country with it...I tried once to drop caffeine cold turkey and lasted a whopping 10 hours before my arms were tightly wrapped around a twelve pack..it was once thought that blood ran through my veins, but it turns out that it's really caffeine. It's sad when you are recognized not by your name but as "The Diet Dr. Pepper Girl." Somehow, this doesnt seem right. So I thought about it, and well....maybe my time has come. Maybe I should raise my hand for an intervention before things spiral out of control and I end up a criminal like this man: FAIRBANKS, Alaska -- A man used a video camera to record his apartment being burglarized, apparently by a neighbor's friend intent only on stealing coffee and creamer. Arnold Reed became suspicious that someone had been pilfering his coffee after his upstairs neighbor, Rebecca Hall, said she smelled coffee in her own apartment but knew she didn't have any. Reed borrowed a video camera and caught Hall's house guest, 24-year-old Mark Bojniewicz -- stealing French vanilla coffee from his freezer and hazelnut coffee creamer from his cupboard, he said. "If the guy would have asked me, I would have gave it to him," Reed told the Fairbanks Daily News-Miner. The videotape showed Bojniewicz using a butter knife to gain access into the home. Reed collected about 10 hours of tape on the borrowed equipment, which he set up on his entertainment center facing his front door and kitchen. Reed said he caught Bojniewicz on the second day of recording. He isn't sure how much coffee was stolen. "I have no clue. ... Every now and again I'll have some coffee. He did have a fair share." Reed recorded Bojniewicz breaking into his apartment Thursday. He showed the tape to Alaska State Troopers, who arrested Bojniewicz. Troopers also questioned Hall, who fished a coffee filter with grounds out of her trash. Bojniewicz had apparently hid them in an empty taco shell box, a trooper report said. Bojniewicz was charged with burglary and theft. He remains jailed on $500 bail. The next episode airs on Sunday at 10:00 PM...there is a toll free number you can call if someone you know is in need of an intervention...I only ask that you do the right thing... Currently listening : Letters By Butch Walker Release date: 24 August, 2004 7:47 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Sunday, April 02, 2006 I'm Larry King? Current mood: dorky A few weekends ago, I had the pleasure of opening my closet-sized home to two of the silliest, most outrageous people I know...together, we could harness all of our laughter and goofiness into an atomic bomb that could easily annihilate the world and all that is living. Although one should always expect the unexpected when around these two, the night began on a fairly predictable note...impersonations of those with distinct mannerisms /sayings (finger to face point, the Matt Ross sigh, "Oh WOW," "More lentils and snow, please" to name a few)....laughter.....and cheese biscuits from Red Lobster, which no get together is complete without... It wasn't before long that I was face to face with one of the newest online revolutions, which is not, for clarity's sake, known as myspace. It is, however, known as myheritage.com. Myheritage.com is essentially a free face recognition website that matches your face to those of world famous celebrities and makes you feel as if you, too, are special. Or something. Anyhow, this thing was proving to be fairly accurate and reliable, as it pegged Kathlin a cross between Avril Lavigne and Grace Kelley, Fuller as Katie Holmes, and Matt Ross as Mother Teresa. Considering the striking resemblances found in each of these matches, I was growing fairly confident in mine as I submitted a photo and expected a match with: Lisa Loeb It never fails that when I am at work, I pass by someone who thinks they are incredibly clever when they say, in the countriest of accents: "Hey! It's Lisa Loeb!" Apparently if you wear glasses, you'll automatically become the long lost sister of Lisa Loeb too... Within a matter of seconds, this handy photo scanner had returned a number of matches and the moment of truth was revealed....I, ladies and gentlemen, look most like this famous figure: Larry King According to statistics, we are 96% identical. Nothing against Larry King...he has one of the most successful nightly talk show programs on CNN and has, overtime, created a name for himself in the fashion world by wearing suspenders religiously. Although he is undoubtedly a top notch character, I suppose I was looking for someone a little more...well...female. But the more I looked, the similarities grew more obvious and clear. Side by side, you probably couldn't even tell where Larry King begins and Jess Snapp ends. Larry King as a monkey: Jess Snapp as a child: If that doesn't do it, then I don't know what will. The proof is in the pudding, kids...I am Larry King. Currently listening : The Police - Greatest Hits By The Police Release date: 30 June, 1998 11:39 AM - 3 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Wednesday, March 08, 2006 Karma Current mood: pissed off Here it is, 12:45 AM and while most people would hardly consider this to be a late hour, I find that it is now five hours passed my normal weekday bed time. Yes, all you wretched night owls, I may be young in age, but when sleep is involved, I consider myself to be neck and neck with the grandmas and newborns of the world. Normally I can attribute sleeplessness to a caffeine overdose, but I highly doubt that one cup of coffee consumed before noon today can explain why I am wide awake nearly 13 hours later. This lack of sleep has nothing to do with caffeine, bad dreams, uncomfortable mattresses, or any of the such...what this has to do with is pure and simple: stress. If I were Chuck Norris, I wouldn't have to worry about stress. Stress would have to worry about me. But since I'm not Chuck Norris, I'm sitting up, silently cursing the source of my stress and finding only a hint of reassurance and relief in the notion of karma. Even though I may not have known the word for it, I had a vague understanding of the meaning of karma at a very young age. It never failed that when I faked an illness in order to skip school, I would end up sick at the most inopportune of times, missing much anticipated birthday parties or sleep-overs. I once told a white lie and got my first and last spanking. I gossiped about others, only to eat my words and end up being the person looking like the jackass when all was said and done. Everything I have ever done has had an impact on what I am doing or what I will do. Whether good or bad, every action has a repercussion that life doesn't fail to reveal down the road. Though I certainly don't claim to know everything about it, I do know that karma brings a sense of justice to injustice...it ultimately holds others responsible for their irresponsibility...it pays back wrong deeds (and often so in stronger doses)...it teaches lessons to the careless...it's the effect to the cause...it gives those whose bad intentions have interfered with the good intentions and hard work of others a chance to reap what they've sewn. Not to sound spiteful, but going back to the fact that I am awake... Since my job revolves around controlling assets within a store, I don't exactly wish any thief who steals those assets a lifetime of health, wealth, and happiness. What I do wish them, however, is a nice roundhouse kick to the face and an opportunity to experience the consequences of their actions. To be blunt...I hope karma fucks you 10 times harder than you've fucked someone else. And yes, the word fuck was necessary. I feel like I've put forth quite a bit of effort and many long hours helping to build a store that adheres to the core values of our company...I have tried to execute what is expected of me and I've set the standards high. Very high, but very realistic and manageable. I have tried to control what I am required to control, but all it takes is for one dishonest sack of monkey you-know-what to find a second of opportunity and flush our hard work down the drain. It's sickening. And it's why I'm wide awake. I could continue filling the pages of a short novel with what I think about this whole situation, but that would only fire me up and interfere, once again, with sleep. And sleep is the goal here. So here's wishing that karma stays close on the heels of those who have ever wronged anyone else...may life shart all over you! Currently listening : Guero By Beck Release date: 29 March, 2005 1:45 AM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Thursday, February 16, 2006 Can I get an AMEN? Current mood: ecstatic For Immediate Release 10 YEARS # 1 ON ALTERNATIVE RADIO CHARTS Tennessee Rock Band Selling Out Shows Around The Country New York, NY- Republic/ Universal Records recording artists, 10 Years, scored another major coup this week with their first single, "Wasteland", becoming the number #1 song at Alternative Radio according to Mediabase and BDS. Later this week "Wasteland" will be the #1 song on Billboard's Alternative chart as well. The song is from 10 Years debut album, The Autumn Effect, released last August which has sold over 175,000 copies. 10 Years taking the #1 position marks the first band since June 2004 to reach #1 with their debut single. The perch at the top puts 10 Years in the highly esteemed company of Foo Fighers, Weezer, and Nine Inch Nails, who have all held the #1 position in the last few months. Hailing from Knoxville, TN, 10 Years includes Jesse Hasek, (vocals) Brian Vodinh, (Drums) Ryan "Tater" Johnson, (guitars) Matt Wantland, (guitars) and Lewis Cosby (bass). Because the band mates grew up together as friends and as musicians, they have been able to develop a truly unique sound, and an awesome live set. The band's monstrous hit at radio, word of mouth, a strong cult following and live show reputation has helped them sell out most of the shows on their recent headline tour. The remaining dates include: Little Rock, AR (2/14), Houston, TX (2/16), Dallas, TX (2/17) Lubbock, TX (2/18) Amarillo, TX (2/19). Fans who may have missed these dates can catch the band everyone is talking about open up for Korn starting at February 24th and running through April. 10 Years hold high expectations for themselves, as they aspire to create a sound fusing two of their favorite bands, Radiohead and Nine Inch Nails. Listeners have compared their heavy, melodic sound to the likes of innovative rock acts such as The Deftones and TOOL. Both lyrically and musically, The Autumn Effect promises to be this year's breakout rock album, with their number one Alternative Radio single "Wasteland" leading the way. 5:24 PM - 4 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Monday, November 21, 2005 A True Test of Intelligence Current mood: drunk Aside from kicking Guitar Center ass, this was one of the hardest things I've had to do all day. See how many differences you can find between the two pictures- it'll wear you out and measure whether or not you have what it takes to be crowned Captain Intelligent Pants. You have to get close to your screen to really see much of anything and turn up the volume on your speakers - there's a couple of audio clues that will help you along the way. I only found 3 differences, which pretty much means that I suck at life. Oh well...you guys give it a spin...most of you all are smarty pants anyhow. The True Test of Intelligence 7:41 PM - 6 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Friday, November 18, 2005 Antvasion: The Story (with really crappy camera phone pictures) Current mood: Moods are for dorks... Every day brings with it many adventures and stories to be toldand certainly this November 18th has done just that and possibly even more. It started off this morning around the ungodly hour of 6:15 AM, when groans are heard around the world and snooze buttons are the only hero of your yet-to-be-started day. Although I, as of late, fall into the category of a non-morning person, I actually woke up in good spirits, ready to fight crime by being the great ninja that I am.or atleast do a little pallet-receiving mixed in with a couple of cycle count audits. Which is pretty much the same thing. I walked into the kitchen to get my daily kickstart of caffeine, and while brewing my favorite coffee, I just so happened to glance in the general direction of my microwave. Everything looked the samea microwave, a peanut butter jar that was left out the night before, an odd wooden bee sitting on top of my microwave that was given in memory of the Emory and Henry wasps, and this: Brown speckles. Coffee grounds are also little brown speckles, and since I wasnt wearing my glasses and I spill coffee grounds all the time, I figured thats all it was. Spilled coffee grounds. I could either take the time to clean it up now or avoid being late for work. Guess which one I choose. I continued along with my morning routine, racing against time while trying to pick out an outfit that wasnt a) wrinkled or b) dirty. After finding a suitable pair of pants, I threw on my glasses and headed back to the kitchen to get the little pup of mine fed and watered, as well as score a refill on my coffee. With the help of my glasses (which I was now wearing, as opposed to earlier in the story), I noticed that what I once thought were coffee grounds werent exactly coffee groundsthey were movingreally fast.in an organized, intricate design that I traced back to a tiny hole in the linoleum. These little speckles werent even close to being coffee groundsthese speckles were an army of ants that were determined to take over my fucking countertop.my kitchen..my apartment.maybe even my entire life, which will now be shown in the photos below. Exhibit A: Exhibit B: Glancing at my cell phone, it was 7:30I had to be at work by 8:00 and I only had one option in front of me: I had to go to Wal-Mart for a can of Raid. I couldnt possibly put off an early morning rumble with these unwelcomed house guests or else I would come home later and find them comfortably settled in and not paying any rent. Greedy bastards. With minutes to spare, I found myself running through the aisles of Wal-Mart to find this can of Raid that I had set out to get. As I snatched it off the shelf and crowned myself the king of this war, I realized one thing: I left my wallet at home. The only thing inside my purse was a checkbook and chapstickalthough bartering for a can of Raid with a tube of chapstick was probably a popular thing to do at one point in time, I figured that I had to use a check. Problem. Paying with a check also means that you have to show your id, and since my fucking wallet was sitting on my ant-infested countertop at home, I didnt have an id. However, I wasnt concerned because I knew that I could rely on my powers of persuasion to totally convince the check-out lady that I didnt need to show my id in order to write a check for a whopping $2.88. If that didnt work out, then I was totally prepared to move straight to plan B, which probably involved fighting and injuries. Luckily, the check out lady spared herself a few bruises and processed my check sans id. One trial down. Back at home, I whipped out my can of Raid and prepared to fight to the death with these little fuckers while making this angry face: Scary, I know... I meant no jokes. This was business. These fuckers would die and I would see to it. After spraying every nook and crany, every inch of countertop space, every kitchen cabinet, and even the ceilings, I felt like my work was done. At 7:55 AM, I was worn outI had fought until there was no fighting leftI fought so much that my glasses fell to the wayside Note to the readers: Wayside glasses are pretty sexy and I'll probably continue wearing them like this all the time. Just when I felt the effects of such battling settling in, my adrenaline kicked right back into high gear when I saw that my little pup was LICKING the Raid that I sprayed. Yes. Licking. Panic mode was now set off. I freaked. I wigged. I might have even sharted for a brief moment. And then I sprung into action, calling Poison Control to see if I needed to induce vomiting on my 11 pound ball of fur. After being made aware of possible signs to watch out for, I was told that I needed to keep an eye on him for the next few hours. Which meant one thing: Sebastian would make a special guest appearance at Guitar Center. Instead of carrying a cup of coffee into work, I carry my dog....and just as I thought that things might be on the up, I ate my words. The very first thing that must be done when opening the store every morning is that we disarm our alarm system. Easy enoughand it usually isexcept when youre carrying a dog and you only have 60 seconds to bend down and unlock three doors before punching your code into the system. So what happensI set the alarm offand I wait for the phone call from EPS, in hopes that they will ask me for my password and all will go back to being quiet and peaceful. A few minutes later they calland its then that I learn they cant shut the alarm offand its then that I just want to sit down in the middle of the floor and cryloud.real loud.maybe even louder than the sound of the alarm itself. But instead, I gave sanity the backseat and just laughed I felt like I was dropped head first into the twilight zone and at this point, everything was just absurd.and funny. After we finally got the alarm system settled down, I was just waiting for the moment when a bomb would explode over my head or in my pants. And even though that very well could have been yet another event in my day, things settled down and returned to normal and I (as well as my dog) lived happily ever after (as seen in this photo). With all of that being said, the moral of the story is this: Fuck Ants And the Raid stands alone... The end. 8:39 PM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove Wednesday, November 16, 2005 10 Years on the Main Myspace Page Current mood: ecstatic That's right, fools...look and weep...on the MAIN MYSPACE PAGE you will see a glorious advertisement for 10 Years.... Man.... Shit.... Is the world finally understanding rock or what?! Currently listening : The Autumn Effect By 10 Years Release date: 16 August, 2005 8:48 PM - 2 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove (Leave a comment)

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